Arie Luyendyk Jr. and new fiancee Lauren Burnham defend their engagement and look forward to wedding and starting a family. (March 7)
After only one woman went home last week (bye, Elyse), this week’s “Bachelor” was going to be a bloodbath. No surprise: It was! Five women left the show this week, four of whom Colton sent packing himself.
So, who’s left?
We pick up this week right where we left off with last week’s “to be continued” cliffhanger: with Colton frustrated on the beach. Heather dubs the Onyeka/Nicole/Colton drama “the moment of the century,” because, sure, there’s nothing more important going on in the world.
Onyeka confronts the group and asks if anyone feels like she’s ever bullied them, and Nicole later joins them.
“Nicole, you said I bullied you, back it up!” Onyeka says in front of the group.
The show doesn’t waste any time bringing us to the rose ceremony. There are seven roses on the table, which means two people are going home. It would be too easy for the two to be Nicole and Onyeka, right?
Wrong! The two troublemakers are out of the house faster than their backstabbing bickering match even began.
And then we properly start this week’s fun.
Colton and the remaining contestants head to Vietnam, and Hannah G. (winner of the first-impression rose) gets the first date card.
“Hannah G. is absolutely stunning,” Colton says about her. “Every time I see her I get a little smitten.” The two sneak in some spa time and get facial masks.
“Not gonna lie, it’s hard for me to keep my hands off her,” Colton adds. All wrapped up at the spa, he tells her she looks like a sushi roll. “I would definitely eat that sushi roll,” he cheekily tells the camera.
After Caelynn questions Hannah G.’s authenticity as a person to Cassie (i.e. wonders if there’s a layer to her that they’re missing), we see Hannah G. open up to Colton about her parents’ divorce. Colton’s parents also are divorced and the two bond. Duh, she gets the rose.
Hannah G. tells the camera she’s falling in love with him. Colton tells the camera the same. (Start placing your bets, people.)
Cassie, Heather, Tayshia, Caelynn, Katie, Hannah B., Sydney and Demi go on this week’s group date, “Are you ready to fight for love?” They learn the ancient art of Vovinam, a Vietnamese martial art. Some are more ready to fight than others.
“I went to sleep last night as Hannah B. But I woke up this morning as Hannah Beast,” Hannah B. says. She also referred to herself as Hannah Beast last week, so that’s a thing.
The women pair off to spar with each other. The most pivotal moment comes when Demi swears Katie hit her in the face and she winces and whines like a toddler. This doesn’t impress Colton. (Remember this later, friends.)
Colton opens up to Tayshia after the date and tells her their one-on-ones are what he’d kill for every day. Demi calls her mom with Colton by her side. (Demi’s mom has spent time in jail, and this is going to be the first normal phone call they’ve had in years.)
Sydney opts to leave the show. She says that if it their relationship was right then it would be a lot easier. She doesn’t think they can get there based on her needing more.
“There are some very wonderful people in that group,” she warns Colton. “Find them. Figure out who they are. Don’t be distracted by shiny things, especially now.”
Tayshia ultimately gets the rose. She’s “someone who continues to push me each and every time that we sit down,” Colton says.
Kirpa and Colton channel their inner “A Star Is Born” and “dive in” to the water together on their boat trip one-on-one. Did anyone else hear “far from the shallow now”? Just us? Cool.
The two also go out to dinner and have about as much chemistry as a Tinder date that would fizzle after a month or so. She’s been engaged before (from an eight-year-relationship) and he was saving himself for marriage. Colton asks her if she can see herself getting engaged again at the end of this, and she says if they keep progressing as they are she’d want to be engaged.
Colton insists he had a fun time and that though their relationship is moving slower, “it’s our pace.” She gets a rose (somehow).
Demi may not be a fighter, so she tries being a lover instead. “Hopefully, after tonight, Colton won’t be the virgin anymore,” she says, and goes to visit Colton. Hasn’t she learned what happens when you go visit Colton at night? (See: Elyse.)
Demi tells him she feels like she’s falling in love with him, but he tells her there’s a part of him that doesn’t know if they can get there. “I don’t know right now if I can see myself with you at the end of this,” he says. And that’s that, she’s going home.
And after all that: No cocktail party tonight. Five women are vying for roses, and only four are up for grabs. Colton sends Katie home, and she tells him, “You have a great group of girls. And you know who’s ready in there. And there’s some that aren’t.” She adds, “Just be smart about those girls,” and the camera pans to Heather and Hannah B.
Colton confesses his greatest fear in all this is that he’s going to be with somebody who’s not ready to be engaged the end of this. He tells the remaining women that Katie’s the third person this week to warn him that there’s someone or some people here not ready for the future he wants.
“Colton knows that the tea is brewing and he wants someone to spill the tea,” Tayshia tells the camera. It seems like she tells Kirpa at the end (though it’s not immediately clear, per some clever camera editing): “Let’s take this thing. Watch, it’s us two at the end.” Gulp.
In case you’re an episode behind: ‘The Bachelor’ recap: That kiss finally happens; 1 contestant quits
Or you missed two episodes: ‘Bachelor’ recap: Colton gets serious about sexual assault during chat with Caelynn
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