How to Engage Customers on Social Media

A social media post that nobody sees is not only sad, but totally a waste of an online advertiser’s time and money. To capture and grow your viewers and potential customers on Facebook, Twitter, and other platforms, just follow these simple hacks:

Never stop posting new material

Never mind if it’s crap; just post something new, anything new, every day, especially on weekends and Leap Year. That’s because most viewers are masochists, wondering what kind of crap you will come up with next. Like this piece of &%%##.

Make your content resonate

How? Simple; just promise gigantic benefits and amazing wealth and health. You don’t have to deliver on any of it, because, hey, this is social media — remember?

Make your page stand out

YOU DO THIS BY USING ALL CAPS AND LOTS OF EXCLAMATION MARKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (See? You couldn’t resist reading this, could you?)

Know your target audience

You do this with lots and lots of spyware. It’s easy to install and spread, and then when you’ve captured more data than the FBI you can tailor your posts very specifically — and try a little online blackmail, just for kicks.

You can’t have too many promotions

Well, you CAN run too many promotions — but offering free ebooks and newsletters will keep somebody in your office busy and off the streets. There are too many idle young people around as it is.