Pizza Hut Just Added Something To Its Pizza Offerings That’s Going To Be Very Hot

Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek

Pizza Hut is a little behind.

Domino’s was rather swifter with its grasp of technology, which left its rival choking on its dough.

Now, though, the Yum Brands delicacy is trying to fight back.

Its latest idea is to offer something that you never thought you kneaded (my apologies), because you could never imagine someone wanting to create it.

No, I’m not talking about the Strawberry, Peanut Butter and Spam pizza.

I’m sure at least one college student has concocted that.

Instead, I’m talking about the Peter Parker.

Yes, Pizza Hut is offering you a piece of clothing that allows you to climb walls.

Actually, that’s what I’d assumed when I first heard the name. However, my hearing was impaired after going to see Depeche Mode at the Oakland Arena.

The band’s sound mix was infernally loud and simultaneously muddier than a brain after two bottles of Bailey’s.

No, we are here today to talk about the Pizza Parka.

This is a piece of clothing that you wear when it’s cold, in order to make yourself more closely resemble a delivery pizza.

Which is surely something you’ve always wanted to do.

It’s made, you see, of the same materials that go into making those pizza delivery pouches.

One assumes, therefore, that it keeps you as hot as one of those wonderful pizzas that you order in moments of desperation and then, once it’s eaten, you wonder if it was such a good idea.

The Pizza Parka has lovely touches.

A pizza slice pocket on the inside that you can — and probably shouldn’t — use for an emergency slice of pizza.

It also has a special flap for you to use as a napkin.

You’re already coveting it, while simultaneously telling yourself that they’re not actually going to sell these things, are they?

You are, of course, right. And slightly wrong.

No, you won’t be able to buy these designer garments online.

You can, though, enter to win one by offering clever emoji communication at Pizza Hut’s Twitter account.

Well, of course.

Please look on the bright side.

You’re about as likely to get one as you are McDonald’s Ricky and Morty-inspired Szechuan Sauce.

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