Today, I’m going to argue against some of the common coaching scripts that I see out there, because I think they’re really disingenuous. I have two at the top of my head.
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Don’t Repeat Someone’s Name
One is when you use someone’s name like 100 times in a paragraph, because you think it’s going to make that person like you more or you’re going to develop an affinity. That theory has been around for 35 years. We are all aware of it. We know when you’re doing it, and it’s really disingenuous. So, I have to say for me personally, I’m not going to name the company that promotes this, but I know for me personally I think I can count on one hand the number of times my own husband has used my name. We mostly just talk. We don’t use each other’s name that much it’s not necessary. And when you do that ‘Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily’ in a conversation, I know what you’re doing. It really actually is quite off-putting because it’s not a secret anymore, we all know.
The other one that I don’t care for because I think it’s disingenuous, and anyone that knows me knows I’m pretty big on honesty. Unfortunately, it’s the, I think they call it, build, brick, build. So, you say something really nice to someone then you give them the critical feedback in the middle, and then you say something nice to finish it off. I remember reading this in textbooks in college, and it was probably in some of the courses that I taught in my last career. But everyone knows now that’s a thing. To me, I think people can handle the truth, I really do. I think most people are grown-ups and they can handle being told the truth. So, if you’ve got direct feedback just give it to them. If there’s some encouragement you can add alongside that, or some support or coaching you can offer that’s fantastic, but people can handle the truth.
People Don’t Like to Be Manipulated
People really can’t handle being manipulated, and that’s what I think both of those ‘skills’ do to people, is manipulate them and try to control how they feel instead of just being direct and honest with them. If you’re one of those people that have adopted either of those theories, if it’s working for you– fantastic keep doing it. I would argue maybe there’s a better way.